Friday, 1 February 2013

Strange old world

It seems funny to me but the things that I thought would make me cry don't, Hayley's clothes in the wardrobe, her coat in the hall, all the signs around the house, her nick knacks and things like that.. instead it's things like receiving her Rabbiting on magazine from the rabbit welfare association through the post, opening the larder door and finding my favourite cooking sauce she had purchased for me.. god I'm crying just trying to write this.. went outside to start my mates car I'm borrowing (blown the gearbox on my truck and didn't want to deprive Hayley of her wheels) and burst into tears because I was going to take the car somewhere quiet in January and she was going to have a go... knowing that she will never be able to take the Pop hotrod out for a spin.. things that shouldn't really matter but seem so important suddenly!! I guess it's those irrational thought's again..
I have told several people today not to have regret's because they hadn't been down to see us or something, what is past is past and we cannot do anything about that and we all did the best we could in our given circumstances, but jeez I am finding it so so hard not to have regrets about the things we planned to do and hadn't achieved yet.. again I can't do anything about that but still it's there, sitting on my shoulder like a mental parrot!!!
Still on a positive note I had a better day today, only wobbled a few times... maybe I'm getting stronger or maybe I have just about cried myself dry!!!

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