So here we are on the 23rd January 2024 and I last posted on the 17th November 2023 and I have had the best run of positivity for an age.. I turned 60 on the 29th November and that was also the day we laid Nigel to rest, it was a double whammy and I was dreading it!
I wasn’t happy about turning 60, I can’t explain it as I’ve never worried about ageing before but this time it was different and I guess the reality of having an 8yr old daughter and me being 60 put me in a gloomy place as I know she won’t be any great age when I go! But I did have an epiphany that if I’m lucky enough to equal my dads age (93) when he passed then I’m not even 2/3 of the way through my life! any way couple the dreaded 60 to saying our final farewells to Nigel and I was heading for the perfect storm in my head but strangely it turned into a catalyst for me to push through the gloom and ride forwards with me head held high and positive thoughts in my head!!
It hasn’t been completely rosy and I will admit to having low days but nothing like the bleakness I have been experiencing, I was even driving my partner mad in the run up to christmas as I was in full on christmas mode, even caught me hoovering whilst wearing a santa hat and singing along to xmas music, a complete contrast to the grump arse I usually am at this time!! Even made it through Jan 6th which is the anniversary of losing both Hayley and my dad with only a minor mood dip.
Until today, lousy nights sleep, grey skies and rain and the bleakest of feelings, I so need a holiday where I can sink my toes into the sand and sit beneath palm trees but I’m drawing strength from the fact I’ve done over 2 months without feeling the need to write it down!
