Seesawing between tears and smiles at the moment and my partner commented today “ that I seemed to be in better spirits” but truth be told I’m just hiding it better today. Sometimes I can keep the facade up and act like everything is rosy but somedays the tears push through the cracks and show like yesterday..
I fully intend to beat this cycle, it may not be easy or quick but just like Hayley did I will push through it and then I can consign the facade to the bin!
So yesterday I got the news I had been dreading, Nigel one of my cousins had passed away! He hadn’t been ill for very long but had a very aggressive cancer! Like when we lost Grizz back in ‘21 he cut off all contact with pretty much everyone apart from close family, I understand and support their reasons but it doesn’t make it easy for those wanting to say how much they meant to them and I guess goodbye! Nigel was like a brother to me and we spent loads of time in each others company, I always wanted to be like Nige as he was his own person and did things his way!!
Nigel going after only a few days since we laid Julie to rest is hard. Julie was a big part of the crowd in my late teens and early 20’s and like Nigel is woven into the fabric of my past!!
Since Hayley passing in 2013 I do not handle mortality well, not my own! My going doesn’t faze me ( though I’m not ready to leave Poppy dad less just yet!) at all but its the losing of the folk that I’ve shared my journey with I find difficult and I struggle to let go! Today the world can do one!!
