One step forward, 3 steps back...

I know it is going to happen, hopefully less and less. Had a good day yesterday, visited the Foal farm rescue center to hand over some of the money raised in Hayley's memory, so far £270 raised and still more coming in.. I was then picked up in the evening and spent time in the garage of a good mate in the company of another good mate. we had a blast ripping his Jago T Bucket to pieces in readiness for its rebuild.. Home around 11.30 to the emptiness that is now my home.. straight out the back to feed the rabbit's and lock them up for the night.. Bless old Brucie, he was waiting for me and I even got a nudge as I went in.. made me feel a little better..
This morning I woke around 8, got up and fed the Rabbits and let them out into the garden, emptied the garden recycling into the bin and put it out for the dustman, all the normal chores that have been hard to do... then headed for the garage.. thought I would have a tidy up before my mate arrives on friday.. reduced once again to Tears by all the little signs and memento's given to me by Hayley over the years... I now can't shake that deep sorrow and loneliness feeling.. tried motor programs on the TV.. nope.. ahh the computer that works... nope!! feeling a little wretched today and to top it all I am missing my mate so bloody badly it hurt's!!!! strangely I don't feel the need for company.. almost as if I need to ride this day out alone!!!