So today I dropped the ball big time, I was in the kitchen talking to Claire whilst I prepared Poppy and her lunches when it hit like a hurricane! Uncontrollable tears, I couldn’t speak!! Where it came from I do not know but come it did!! I hid myself over by the sink until it had subsided as I really do not wish Poppy to witness this too often, bless her she worries enough about things as it is! ( over thinker like me sadly!) It was gone as quick as it came but has left me with that awful feeling of bleakness that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. One of the factors I’m guessing that is contributing to my current mood is the fact that in the last just over 4 years I’ve lost 4 of the most important beings in my life! Mum Xmas 2018, Dad Jan 2020, Grizz May 2021 and Harvey June 2022, nope I don’t handle loss very well since Hayley!
So far the time spent with Poppy walking to school has been the only brightness today, even the weather has turned gloomy now!
So I’m currently sitting on the sofa with Hunter, tears not far away trying my hardest to be positive. Working it out I’ve been dealing with depression from one side of the fence or the other for around 38 years now and I’m so tired of it! It’s time it left me alone!!
Work today? I’m really not sure tbh, I have a cancer review with my doctor tomorrow that is playing on my mind plus I’d like some answers about the current pain in my hand!! Man all I feel like I’ve done recently is complain and I hate myself for that, where o where has the good Shaun gone 😢
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