Back to work today and I'm scared shitless!!! I can handle all the irregular stuff I'm doing at the moment but real life is still a massive massive struggle.. shopping is hard buying just for one and seeing all those couples happily going about their business... never thought I would ever be envious of good old domestic bliss... had thought of myself as a little off the wall and different.. seems all I really want is the same as everyone else... no that isn't true, I don't want normal domestic bliss i just want my crazy, complicated, confused and sometimes hard work missus back....
I walked harvey yesterday and ended up in a Bluebell wood, jeez that was the trigger.. spent the rest of the day in fit's of tears.. this stage of the recovery isn't going very well.. I have had a few weeks of respite but now I'm back at the crying for hardly any reason stage.... I guess this is going to go on for ages...
I'm sitting here on the computer with the study window open and all I can hear in my head is Hayley outside chatting to the rabbit's, god I miss you so much...I am trying to be strong, I am back working on my old shit and making progress... just finding it hard to see the point.....